Sunday, February 15, 2009

Sunday Funnies

After this weeks miserable performance by the minority party on the stimulus bill I have come to a conclusion. They just ain't into Barack. Ok, great, we get it.

Still we will need their help in putting sufficient capital into our economy. So, how do we achieve that you ask?

Here's my plan:

Let's invade New York; specifically Wall Street. I'm thinking about 3 to 4 hundred thousand troops. Specially trained troops that is, like accountants, forensic bookkeepers and economists. They will of course require legions of support personnel and material which will be supplied by all the other states in the union.

Even Hawaii and Alaska will have their chance. Macadamia nuts from the big island, Kona coffee by the tons and even some Maui Wowee for the free spirited folks who'll be pulling all nighters for the next 6 or 8 years to untangle the mess on Wall Street.

We'll fund it just like Iraq, about 10 -12 billion per month. That should put over 8 trillion dollars into the economy during the next 8 years. Even guys like Krugman think that's enough. Maybe even Dr. Doom and the Black Swan will get on board.

To make sure of Republican support we'll call it the WAR ON THE RECESSION. GOPers love making war on concepts and lifestyles and such. They really haven't had a war of any sort they didn't support since Bosnia.

I can see Representative Boner on the house floor now calling for more funding for the scourge or is that surge. Anyway the war will be waged in unending fashion for the foreseeable future. There will be no exit strategy and perhaps we can get Hilary to go before some international body and make up a bunch of shit about the bankers. Though I'm hard pressed to imagine how fiction could outdo the excesses of reality.

Anyway... As soon as we loose international support and the trust and respect of the other nations of our world, we then jump feet first into the WAR ON THE RECESSION. Armed troops in front of Goldman Sachs. Special forces missions into the deserted and insurgent ridden headquarters of Lehman Brothers and a task force for the demons of Citicorp.

Back in the remaining states industries are gearing up. Paper mills and factories spring into action to make billions of legal sized yellow lined tablets for the accountants on the front line. Eraser factories work 3 shifts. Dell, IBM and Cray come together to complete the super computer of super computers into which all the data from the front lines will be fed.

Weekly reports will be simulcast on the new broadband network, required by Presidential Decree under the war powers act. People will be recruited aggressively in all the states to wire homes and businesses. Factories will spring up to create the wire and hardware needed for the effort. Mass transit will be a necessity as gas is rationed during the war effort.

In place of Rita the Riveter from WWII, wives will fill plants making parts for Mag-Lev trains, Hybrid buses and anti - EMP armament for every computer in the country.

Ah yes my fellow citizens, bipartisanship is just a war away.



Dr.John said...

Sarcasm will get you somewhere.
More and more I am convinced that replacing stupid Republican money throwing plans with stupid Democrat money throwing plans isn't going to bail us out.

Richard said...

We are just trying to staunch the flow of blood from our economic wounds. Intelligent triage is the best we can hope for. I sense we are working our way towards that, but political obstacles remain.

OMYWORD! said...

I adore your plan. I have yet to read any plan from any of the supposed experts, that is quite like your plan. I especially like the idea of the forensic accountants. We definitely need some deep digging to go on here. But Guenther is probably going to shield his old industry buddies from such annoying activities. :-)

I want to work in the pencil and pen factory.

Richard said...

Thanks Lisa, I appreciate your support. I have just one problem with the post of yours about the Republican Circle Jerk. Wouldn't that require the dickless wonders to have peni? (medical plural of penis?)

Dianne said...

I would enlist immediately. My hope would be to rise to the rank of general quickly. Perhaps if I lied - uh testified- in front of Congress?